When you have anxiety and depression, changes always feel like a big wrecking ball coming at you. Over the last few years I feel like I have been dodging wrecking balls for a long time. I wish I could say with each one it got easier, and I just learned to go with the flow, but…there is just something in my brain that can not stop.
I worry, I analyze, I become a huge baby. Sometimes I am not sure how my husband puts up with me. Through it all he just stands tall, and helps lead me back to the path of sanity. If he is exhausted for doing it, he doesn’t show it. He is always steadfast and if I stay too long in my thoughts, he pulls me out of the way of the wrecking ball.
This is not just true with bad changes, but with good changes as well. Which I think is where most people get confused by my strange behavior. It is a learning process and so far has been the hardest hurdle to overcome. I am learning though.
I always doubt my strength, and question what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t be doing. I always worry about what my actions or thoughts are going to do to those around me. It might sound strange but being selfish is really hard for me. I am learning about this too though.
I have a great new job, I love the people that I am working with. it has been a change because I am working over night shifts. So I have had to learn it is ok to sleep when I need to sleep, and not feel guilty about it. I am spending less time online, and more time with my family which has been great.
So through every hard change that I have conquered I learn a little bit more about myself and how much I can handle. I have learned that life is what you make it when you feel like all is lost, or you don’t know which direction to choose.
Life isn’t a straight line, its swirls, it twirls, it circles back, it moves forward. That is life, learning to go with the flow of what is coming.
I gotta say I have a great life too! Great family, great friends, great job, and so many more adventures to come along!