It has been forever since I have written in this blog. I have been in school and spend a lot of time studying and focusing my mind on that.
On this cold November night there are notes of snow in the air, and my house is filled with the aroma of spaghetti eaten for dinner. There are clicks of little toes walking on the laminate floors, and laughter of my daughter playing online games with her friends.
There is everything I need in this house, but not everything I want. The things I want though can’t be bought with money, they just take time.
In our daily life we try to speed time up, or make it slow down. We use time to measure memories, and how much work we have done. We use time to forget the things that hurt, and time to put value in the choices we have made. Time is like a currency that you trade, for money, for moments spent with friends, for laughter with family, and for recharging your body.
Some time I would like to trap in a bottle. All the time spent with my sister Tiffanie, I’d like to keep it on a shelf so that it doesn’t slip away from my memory. Time spent with my grandfather, one of the strongest, most courageous men I have ever known I would put that in a bottle too. The time that Maddie is this young, that would go in a glittery bottle.
Sometimes I am so very conflicted by time. I want it to stop so I don’t miss out on anymore of the lives of my niece and nephews. Other times I want it to go fast so that I don’t live in the pain of grief. I always need more time to accomplish my life or less time so that I don’t dwell.
My depression and anxiety don’t like to play well with time either. These dark days of winter make it dreary inside my head.Too much time to think makes me wish that I could understand things deeper and trust in others more.
There is one thing for sure, time marches on, and I keep running behind it to catch up.