A new year always makes me panic a little inside. It kind of forces the mind to evaluate what was done in the last year. It makes you consider if you did everything you could have, or should have. Of course how does a person judge this? I try to bring myself back to the focus that it was another year that I have made it through. It was up and down, it was deep deep downs, and some really high ups.
It depends on how I am viewing the information given, if I am viewing the past year through the depression glasses, I see a year filled with a lot of hardships. It was one of the worst years finically for my husband and I since we have been married. We saw close calls on a lot of things, and have had to dig ourselves out of the hole far too many times this year. I saw the crash of my online selling career, and the struggle to try to find a job has been exceedingly difficult. A lot of rejection, and you are over qualified calls. Over all if I view it from my cynical point of view I feel like I lost a year to faults of my own, and that I didn’t try hard enough to overcome them for my family. I felt like a burden on more then one occasion, my anxiety and depression do not act nice on a good day, during these downs it has manifested into something of a monster that wants to eat all my happy thoughts.
If I look at it through my rose colored glasses I see a different perspective. Our marriage was challenged with financial hardships but we came out on top. I have the best partner, he is my best friend, my confidant, and my biggest cheerleader. Our daughter is thriving and growing into such a polite, wonderful young woman. It is like magic, truly, as it unfolds before your eyes and knowing that I had a part in that is amazing. Through all of the challenges we have faced, I have pushed myself hard and I am still standing. I am stronger then I ever give myself credit for definitely. I have had so many precious people stand up this year and become angels to my family and I. Getting much needed love and encouragement from every corner of the world makes life so much sweeter.
The truth of the matter is though, no matter which glasses I am wearing, life happened. What was supposed to take place did, and I came out the other end with a stronger will to do better and grow more.
Highlights of 2014 for me:
*Joining and taking part in the Cape Breton Anxiety and Depression support group. I have gained so many new friends from all walks of life, that really and truly can understand what it is like to walk in my shoes. They teach me new things every day, and it feels like we are building something that is going to be bigger and better then any of us ever expected.
*Traveling cross country with one of my best friends Jen. It was an adventure, some of it was really painful, but now that I look back on it all I can remember is the things to laugh about!
*Growing closer with Kristy and her mother Eileen, they have truly become part of the family. It is nice to have a house filled with laughter for the holidays.
*Becoming an Auntie again to my handsome nephew Landyn 🙂
*Getting accepted to school and getting funding to not only pay for my tuition but a living allowance to supplement our income while I am in school.
I don’t make new years resolutions, that puts too much pressure on me and makes my brain want to freak out. i just vow that 2015 I am going to be the best me, I can be. I will continue to challenge myself, grow, and discover myself.
Above all else, I choose to be happy. I CHOOSE it!